Life on factory default settings

A computer set to factory default settings is perfectly serviceable, as reliable as anything can be that is made of parts that eventually wear out, gets those letters typed, resumes prepared, internet surfed.

A computer with well thought out customized settings is much more enjoyable to use.  Personalized settings and background photos can make the computer easier to use, but more than that, can make the entire experience exciting.  Vivid colors and stimulating music to greet you when booting up - or something a bit more soothing and relaxing if that's more your style.  Fun, personalized with customized features and shortcuts just for you!

I've been thinking of my life a bit in these same terms today, and have come to the realization that I've somehow ended up restoring the computer that is my life to "factory default settings".  :(  

I realize that too many times in my life I have followed the path that someone else has steered (or even pushed) me toward, rather than taking a deep look inside and choosing my own path and following it with determination.

The result of this course of action (or should I say inaction?) is that I am not living the life I want to live.  I continually feel a void - something missing.  I've searched and searched to find what was wrong and have finally come to the realization that what is missing in my life is ME!

I've tried the medical field twice, corporate life and retail.  Of the three, I enjoy learning medical things, but retail would probably be my favorite, likely because it allowed the opportunity to express myself creatively through making merchandise displays, murals, etc.  

I'm tired of living on that default setting - just letting life and the influence of others leading me randomly down the road.  It would be a terrible thing to look back at my life and see that I never did what I truly desired.

So a decision has finally been reached!  I'm going to continue working part time (whether at the store or as a medical assistant, whichever pans out), and I'm going to structure my days off in such a way that I have at least one day each week that is completely set aside to write, draw, paint - do whatever I feel creatively.  It's a place to begin.  

First I'm going to clean the house from top to bottom though so I don't have that weighing on my mind. Nothing kills creativity faster than a house full of clutter!

Now to get busy and start customizing my settings! :0)

Midlife Crisis?

A wee bit of depression tonight as I had been expecting to start nursing school tomorrow morning.  I know I made the right decision by not attending a school with limited accreditation, but still the disappointment is there.

I have ambivalent feelings about the whole idea of nursing school now.  There is another program I can get into and begin this winter, and yet another school that I can start next September, but now I'm not 100% sure.  I wanted to do this quite badly, but now I'm feeling...well...old.

I suppose I'm having more than just a little bit of a midlife crisis right now.  This whole issue of nursing school has really hammered home to me the fact that I'm getting old; perhaps too old to pursue certain things in life.

I still feel that I'm in pretty good shape, I lift weights and work out regularly, eat organic foods, supplement where necessary, etc., but no matter how relatively youthful I may be for 53thiscloseto54, employers don't necessarily view me the way I do.  I have communicated with many nurses in the past month, almost all of whom have told me that most facilities squeeze out "older" nurses, which means nurses in their 50s and 60s.  The idea of being hired for my very first nursing position with my age hovering near 60 by the time I finish school is not very realistic of me, or so I've been told.  Oh, there will be a job for me somewhere, but likely in a doctor's office or urgent care facility for around $16 per hour.  Well, I already qualify for that job as a medical assistant, so why bother becoming a nurse?

Perhaps I need to learn to set aside some dreams.  After all, every youthful dream can't be realized.  The garbage we were fed in the '70s and '80s (and continue to feed our children I fear) that one can "have it all" is just that...garbage.   As a man I know who is a wonderful counselor once told me, life is a series of trade offs.  We can't have it all.  We need to make choices and decide where our priorities and greatest passions are, then act accordingly.  At least that's the direction my philosophy is leading me tonight as I write this entry.  Who knew blogging would be such wonderful therapy!

As I write this the correct decision for me has become quite clear.  I am going to work at my happy-hippy job at the health food/supplement store for now, continue looking for a medical assisting position, and line up some shorter medical programs to take where I can earn additional certifications to make me more valuable (and higher paid) as a medical assistant.

I'm also going to pursue my writing and art in earnest once I get settled (until then I'll continue dabbling).  These are dreams that I've had all my life too, definitely a stronger desire than nursing.  Unfortunately I don't have the talents and abilities in these areas as I do in medicine, which I seem to have a natural knack for.

Fortunately, writing and art know no age limit!  Since the old proverb says that practice makes perfect, I have a perfect excuse to practice, practice, practice in pursuit of perfection!

While we're speaking of art (oh, what an awful segue!), I thought I'd post a couple of pictures of some wooden bracelets I've been working on.  They're not particularly good (it's a strange sensation to work on a bowed surface instead of flat), but they were great fun and if art isn't fun, then why bother?

I don't really feel I can call these "art", perhaps they belong in the category of "crafts".  For what it's worth, here they are.

The first is Dragonfly Dreams, done in acrylics with a bit of metallics and a dusting of pixie dust (okay, it's really microfine glitter) for a touch of whimsy.  Sealed over with numerous coats of glossy acrylic.

The next is called Faerie Flower.  It's kind of hard to see by the photo, but the background is a lavender/periwinkle ombre with rose-toned flowers, vines and buds, little silver-toned faeries near a few blossoms sprinkling a bit of magic dust, metallic silver lining the inside of the bracelet with microfine glitter and glossy acrylic.  All paint is acrylic.

And finally I  have one that's not painted at all and definitely belongs in the "craft" category.  An old copy of The Two Towers by JRR Tolkien was literally falling apart, and rather than throwing it out (since The Lord of the Rings trilogy is one of my favorite books of all time), I decided to repurpose some of the pages and make a bracelet of them.  I took this from the chapter "Treebeard" and selected some of my favorite phrases from the chapter.

At the ends of the cuff I placed the chapter name on one side and the author's name and book title on the other side.

I'm just learning how to add pictures, etc., so I hope you'll be tolerant if the pictures turn out too big or sideways, etc.

I took advice from a friend and finally did something with the Etsy store I opened years ago but never did I thing with.  I've listed these items.  Who knows.  Maybe I'll sell one some day. LOL!  If not, at least I'm having a good time with it, and that's what counts, yes?

Wishing every reader a blessed day!

P.S.  Etsy store is:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/HappilyEverAfterShop

Seminal First Blog Entry

As I sit before my trusty laptop trying to determine what to say to open my blog, I realize that this must be how all bloggers feel when they first begin.  It feels like such a momentous occasion this first blog entry, that somehow I feel I need to make it Important (yes, with a capital "i").

In reality, this first entry is simply an introduction.  I have no readers and no readers know me yet (oh how I do hope that changes!).

So, let me introduce myself dear reader.  My name is Cathy, I'm 53 years young, passionate about art, writing, reading, nature and God.  I love the gentle and beautiful things in life.  They both feed and excite yet also soothe my soul all at the same time.

On the flip-side, I have a bit of a science geek about me as well.  I'm passionate about medicine.  I am a nationally certified medical assistant, hold a certificate in phlebotomy, am a board certified holistic health practitioner, and am currently enrolled in nursing school (an accelerated program - I must be out of my mind!) which begins in just a few weeks now. I am especially passionate about the combination of allopathic medicine with holistic remedies and preventative measures that have solid scientific studies to back them up.

I'm thrilled to fulfill a life long ambition to become a nurse, even though some may think I'm a bit long in the tooth to begin such a pursuit.  Honestly, I do tire a little easier than I did when I was 25, but I try to take good care of myself, eat organically, have begun working out with weights (I need to be able to lift those patients), etc.  Although I feel like I'm still in the process of growing up, I do think I'm much wiser than I was at 25, and hope this translates into me being a better nurse than I would have been when I was younger.

I sat down last night and worked out a time management plan that I will implement once nursing school begins.  I've got a lovely block of time carved out on Saturday mornings that I intend to use solely to draw and paint or work on my unfinished novel or begin one of the many that are floating around in my  noggin.

I will be posting photos of some of my art work as amateurish as it may be.  I love to work in watercolors, but lately have been fascinated with painting with acrylic on wood.  Wooden bracelets, an odd scrap of wood...anything!

It's time I turn in and get some sleep.  Tomorrow promises to be a busy day filled with reading medical textbooks since we received numerous reading assignments during orientation that are to be completed by the first day of school.

So welcome to my humble blog home, such as it is.  I have yet to finish completing my profile, but wanted to get started.  I did write a little blurb about myself in the right hand column if you're interested.

Have a blessed night and thanks for stopping by.  Please let me know you've been here and I'll pop in and visit your blog too.