Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Life on factory default settings

A computer set to factory default settings is perfectly serviceable, as reliable as anything can be that is made of parts that eventually wear out, gets those letters typed, resumes prepared, internet surfed.

A computer with well thought out customized settings is much more enjoyable to use.  Personalized settings and background photos can make the computer easier to use, but more than that, can make the entire experience exciting.  Vivid colors and stimulating music to greet you when booting up - or something a bit more soothing and relaxing if that's more your style.  Fun, personalized with customized features and shortcuts just for you!

I've been thinking of my life a bit in these same terms today, and have come to the realization that I've somehow ended up restoring the computer that is my life to "factory default settings".  :(  

I realize that too many times in my life I have followed the path that someone else has steered (or even pushed) me toward, rather than taking a deep look inside and choosing my own path and following it with determination.

The result of this course of action (or should I say inaction?) is that I am not living the life I want to live.  I continually feel a void - something missing.  I've searched and searched to find what was wrong and have finally come to the realization that what is missing in my life is ME!

I've tried the medical field twice, corporate life and retail.  Of the three, I enjoy learning medical things, but retail would probably be my favorite, likely because it allowed the opportunity to express myself creatively through making merchandise displays, murals, etc.  

I'm tired of living on that default setting - just letting life and the influence of others leading me randomly down the road.  It would be a terrible thing to look back at my life and see that I never did what I truly desired.

So a decision has finally been reached!  I'm going to continue working part time (whether at the store or as a medical assistant, whichever pans out), and I'm going to structure my days off in such a way that I have at least one day each week that is completely set aside to write, draw, paint - do whatever I feel creatively.  It's a place to begin.  

First I'm going to clean the house from top to bottom though so I don't have that weighing on my mind. Nothing kills creativity faster than a house full of clutter!

Now to get busy and start customizing my settings! :0)

1 comment:

  1. Oh boy...I could have written this myself. Except I keep trying, failing, and hating myself for those failures. I can't seem to land anywhere on anything that I am good at, I mean really excel at and enjoy at the same time. Maybe it is a need to leave a mark or a legacy and it just "ain't" happening.

    Now who reported your blog as spam? I mean I personally like Spam but spam? Not so much. How does a blog get reported as spam? People don't have to go to blogs...?

    Yesterday I went into work and came home after a couple of hours. Just wasn't feeling right and I do feel better today. I think I just get exhausted at times and can't even push myself. I don't hate much but I hate this fibromyalgia, assuming that is what makes me so unable to live life as I'd like to do.

    I'm just blathering, Miss Cate...I can't wait until you can spend your days doing what you will. From what I've seen, you have a great start and you've inspired me to reopen my Etsy store too. I don't have anything in it yet, but I hope I can put a few pieces in there over time. And? I don't think you are too verbose...You write similarly to myself and I enjoy reading your thoughts and knowing that I'm not alone in some of my feelings!