A wee bit of depression tonight as I had been expecting to start nursing school tomorrow morning. I know I made the right decision by not attending a school with limited accreditation, but still the disappointment is there.
I have ambivalent feelings about the whole idea of nursing school now. There is another program I can get into and begin this winter, and yet another school that I can start next September, but now I'm not 100% sure. I wanted to do this quite badly, but now I'm feeling...well...old.
I suppose I'm having more than just a little bit of a midlife crisis right now. This whole issue of nursing school has really hammered home to me the fact that I'm getting old; perhaps too old to pursue certain things in life.
I still feel that I'm in pretty good shape, I lift weights and work out regularly, eat organic foods, supplement where necessary, etc., but no matter how relatively youthful I may be for 53thiscloseto54, employers don't necessarily view me the way I do. I have communicated with many nurses in the past month, almost all of whom have told me that most facilities squeeze out "older" nurses, which means nurses in their 50s and 60s. The idea of being hired for my very first nursing position with my age hovering near 60 by the time I finish school is not very realistic of me, or so I've been told. Oh, there will be a job for me somewhere, but likely in a doctor's office or urgent care facility for around $16 per hour. Well, I already qualify for that job as a medical assistant, so why bother becoming a nurse?
Perhaps I need to learn to set aside some dreams. After all, every youthful dream can't be realized. The garbage we were fed in the '70s and '80s (and continue to feed our children I fear) that one can "have it all" is just that...garbage. As a man I know who is a wonderful counselor once told me, life is a series of trade offs. We can't have it all. We need to make choices and decide where our priorities and greatest passions are, then act accordingly. At least that's the direction my philosophy is leading me tonight as I write this entry. Who knew blogging would be such wonderful therapy!
As I write this the correct decision for me has become quite clear. I am going to work at my happy-hippy job at the health food/supplement store for now, continue looking for a medical assisting position, and line up some shorter medical programs to take where I can earn additional certifications to make me more valuable (and higher paid) as a medical assistant.
I'm also going to pursue my writing and art in earnest once I get settled (until then I'll continue dabbling). These are dreams that I've had all my life too, definitely a stronger desire than nursing. Unfortunately I don't have the talents and abilities in these areas as I do in medicine, which I seem to have a natural knack for.
Fortunately, writing and art know no age limit! Since the old proverb says that practice makes perfect, I have a perfect excuse to practice, practice, practice in pursuit of perfection!
While we're speaking of art (oh, what an awful segue!), I thought I'd post a couple of pictures of some wooden bracelets I've been working on. They're not particularly good (it's a strange sensation to work on a bowed surface instead of flat), but they were great fun and if art isn't fun, then why bother?
I don't really feel I can call these "art", perhaps they belong in the category of "crafts". For what it's worth, here they are.
The first is Dragonfly Dreams, done in acrylics with a bit of metallics and a dusting of pixie dust (okay, it's really microfine glitter) for a touch of whimsy. Sealed over with numerous coats of glossy acrylic.
The next is called Faerie Flower. It's kind of hard to see by the photo, but the background is a lavender/periwinkle ombre with rose-toned flowers, vines and buds, little silver-toned faeries near a few blossoms sprinkling a bit of magic dust, metallic silver lining the inside of the bracelet with microfine glitter and glossy acrylic. All paint is acrylic.
And finally I have one that's not painted at all and definitely belongs in the "craft" category. An old copy of The Two Towers by JRR Tolkien was literally falling apart, and rather than throwing it out (since The Lord of the Rings trilogy is one of my favorite books of all time), I decided to repurpose some of the pages and make a bracelet of them. I took this from the chapter "Treebeard" and selected some of my favorite phrases from the chapter.
At the ends of the cuff I placed the chapter name on one side and the author's name and book title on the other side.
I'm just learning how to add pictures, etc., so I hope you'll be tolerant if the pictures turn out too big or sideways, etc.
I took advice from a friend and finally did something with the Etsy store I opened years ago but never did I thing with. I've listed these items. Who knows. Maybe I'll sell one some day. LOL! If not, at least I'm having a good time with it, and that's what counts, yes?
Wishing every reader a blessed day!
P.S. Etsy store is: http://www.etsy.com/shop/HappilyEverAfterShop