I feel like I'm one big complaint factory these days!
Last night and this morning I had such a high level of anxiety over going to the new/old job that I ended up calling in this morning. I was unable to sleep, was hyperventilating, etc. I just couldn't go in.
I'm glad I didn't! When I spoke with the office manager to let her know I wasn't feeling well (which I obviously was not!), she started whining and literally crying about her personal life. I just can NOT work in that environment! She and the doctor obviously have some kind of understanding because he knows of her behavior and does nothing, even though he's received complaints from both employees and patients. I just can't deal with being in such a mentally unhealthy environment all day. I'm too sensitive for it.
Gee. That makes me sound like some kind of fragile weakling! I think it's simply that we each have our own unique emotional make up and I'm super sensitive to the feelings of others who are around me. I'm sure that's what helps me empathize so well with patients, and also what makes it so hard for to remain detached and not worry so about the patient's!
I've come to a decision. I think I need to remove myself from the Western medical field. It just isn't "me". Thanks to a good education the knowledge base is there, but the necessary emotional make up just isn't.
I have an interview on Wednesday for a chiropractic assistant. I wouldn't mind that at all since it is considered natural and holistic medicine. The only thing the doctor would have me do that is potentially unsafe is take x-rays, but as long as I'm wearing a dosimeter and the machine is properly serviced and we make sure patients haven't had too much radiation exposure in the current year, I've no problems with it.
Otherwise, I'm now restricting my job search to non-medical positions. I also have an interview this week for an electronic company that produces and monitors security systems. I think I'd enjoy that. :)
In the meantime, I spoke with the owner of the little health food hippy store I had worked at, and she will be calling me either tonight or tomorrow to let me know if she is able to work me back into the schedule. She did replace me, but with the holidays coming, and with me needing no training, she thinks she may be able to use me.
To be honest, if I were good enough at writing and art I would love to work in the hippy store part time and spend the rest of my time working on my artsy/crafty things. I don't know if we can afford for me to do that though, but at least I need a job that doesn't set me off into panic attacks just thinking about going into the office.
I've decided that it's time for me to stop trying to fit the square peg that I am into a round hole.
And I'm still not a doormat. ;-)