*Sigh*

I feel so discouraged today.

I have not heard a word from the electronics company.  They had promised to call me Wednesday or Thursday of this week.  Well, it's later in the afternoon on Thursday and still no word.  I feel that they are stringing me along and that they will make me an offer if they can't find someone better.

I've decided that I'm done taking the initiative in following through with this company.  I've done all I can do while still maintaining a shred of dignity.  My interview with them was on HALLOWEEN!  If they wanted me they would have hired me by now.  It's time for me to face facts and stop letting them blow smoke up my you-know-what.

Tomorrow I will start running position wanted ads on Craigslist.  I don't see any other option.   I don't even know if it will result in any actual interest (other than from weirdos), but I think it is worth a try in case it would get me in contact with even one decent employer.

Not a good day today.

Still Grumping

I'm still grumping in my little corner of the world, hence no recent entries.

My elbow seemed to be on the mend, but we hosted Thanksgiving at our house this year which necessitated a very thorough cleaning (darn dogs!), after which I'm now finally beating back a severe flare up.

I do believe it is on the mend, but it will be a slow go, very similar to the slow healing of my rotator cuff injury a couple years back.  It's very frustrating because I can't do any art work.  I did a very small drawing two weeks ago that set me into a two day flare up.  Sigh.  It's so frustrating to be at home and have the time to devote to projects yet be physically unable.

My knee flared up yesterday and so that's hurting me too.  I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis in my right knee back when I was 38 years old.  Every now and again it gives me trouble.  Back on Glucosamine/MSM to see if that can help.   I can't take NSAIDs and hate taking too much Tylenol, so I'm just putting up with it right now.  If it hurts enough to interrupt my sleep again tonight I will take the Tylenol though.  Today I'm going to give myself a good soak in epsom salts and see if that helps at all.

Let's see...have I grumbled enough yet? LOL!

It appears that I'm not out of the running on one of the jobs I interviewed for!  I spoke with the wife of the owner of the electronics firm yesterday and she told me that they really liked me, that she particularly liked me, and that they had 2 people to interview this week and would call me Wednesday or Thursday of this week.  She said the whole hiring process came to a standstill because the owner decided to go off hunting for a while and dropped the ball.

I'm hoping that this pans out and I am eventually offered the job.  I don't have any other potential employers right now.  I've sent out gobs of resumes, but I'm not being called for interviews.  I'm starting to feel a bit panicky.  If I don't hear positive news from the electronics firm this week I am thinking of running a "position wanted" ad on Craigslist (no worries - I'll be very careful!).

I supposed I'm a bit depressed right now.   Particularly since the holidays are coming up and I'm unable to purchase any gifts, make any gifts, etc., etc.

My, I do throw a good pity party, don't I?!

I wish I had a more positive entry

Tomorrow I go to turn in my keys from the wacko practice I just quit working for.  They "think" my paycheck is being automatically deposited as they have no check for me.  All I can say is there better be a check in my account tomorrow morning or we're going to have a very, very tight time of it.  It will be tight even with the check, but it will help.

Weird feedback on 2 jobs that seemed promising, the chiropractic/wellness practice and the electronics company admin job.

I had yet another interview at the wellness center this week.  This was the oddest interview I ever had.  The questions were along the lines of a Barbara Walters interview, "If you could be any type of tree, what kind would you be?".  Actually, they asked me what kind of animal I would be and why.  Then what kind of animal I would NOT want to be.  I have no idea what this kind of nonsense has to do my clinical abilities or my treatment of patients.

At both interviews, both with the electronics company and the wellness center, they actually had the audacity to bring up my age!  I was flabbergasted, as it is illegal to discriminate due to age.

At the wellness center I was quizzed at length as to how I would handle it if my supervisor turned out to be younger than me.  Really?  Who cares!  As long as they know their stuff I could not care less how old they are.  I was told repeatedly that I was "considerably older" than the other staff members.  OK.  You are worried that I'm too old for your practice and won't fit in with all the younger people (including you).  I get it.

At the electronics company I was asked point blank how old I am!  How illegal is that?!  I was told I was obviously the oldest applicant (ok, way to make me feel old and suck away my confidence), and was asked when I planned on retiring.  I told them the truth -- that I doubted if I'd ever be able to retire.

I feel disillusioned and discouraged as I was obviously the victim of agism at both places.  Part of me still holds out some hope that one of the two places will make me an offer, but then my insecure self steps up and reminds me of all the comments about my age and I feel rather hopeless.

What a "Debby Downer" I am today!

In the meantime it looks like I'll be cleaning houses 3 days a week in order to keep some money coming in.  My old boss at the hippy store hooked me up with her best friend who runs a cleaning service.  I guess she's overwhelmed right now and desperately needs the help.  I'll clean for her Monday, Wednesday and Friday next week, then Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday the following week.

I'm thankful to at least have something to keep money coming in, but it would be disingenuous of me if I didn't admit that a big part of me is disappointed that is where I've landed.  I mean, I ran my own cleaning service about 10 years ago.  It is definitely discouraging to think that I've gone through years of school, spent lots of money, time and tears getting through the studies, clinicals and then the cruddy "starter" medical jobs, just to end up scrubbing toilets again, only this time for someone else.  Makes me think I should have just kept my own cleaning business.

Meh.  I know I'll end up with a decent job eventually, I just have to keep looking.  And I need to admit to myself that I'm no cute young thing anymore.  I'm old and I apparently look it.

I need to stop writing as I'm just discouraging myself further.  Surely I'll feel better about it after a good night's sleep preceded by reading in bed, snuggled with one of the dogs with my hubby snoring beside me, and a nice mug of tusi tea.

I promise my next entry will actually be about something. LOL!

My New Job: Interviewing

I never thought this blog would take such a work-oriented rabbit trail, but I suppose it's the path I'm on for the moment.

Going back to work for an ex-employer has imploded.  I should have known better.  There was a reason I left in the first place, and I should never have simply taking their word for it that "things are SOOO much better now"!

Long story short:  I was offered X amount of hours in exchange for X amount of dollars, doing X work.  Turns out I'm not doing any medical assisting, I'm nothing but a glorified receptionist ("glorified" because I wear scrubs) *rolls eyes*.  The medical assistant, who does not have the credentials and knowledge I do (not being arrogant, just truthful), has been made my immediate supervisor.  It turns out that I am expected to stay until all the work is done (including the MA's work - I'm supposed to pick up her slack).

Now, I already am working 8-9 hours straight with NO lunch break of any kind.  Not even 15 minutes.  That lasted for 2 days.  Then I was informed that when I'm done with my 8-9 hours in the front office, I'm to go back to the MA and ask her what she needs done and stay an additional couple of hours making calls for her, refilling prescriptions for her, etc.  Hmmmm....I used to have HER job.  Nobody helped me do those things.  And I have learned that she does not take all vitals for the patients!  She's copying the data from past visits in the name of speed.  (Yes, I am informing the doctor of this.)  And this gem is my boss!

Yesterday she told me that I have to stay after my 8-9 hours until the work is done.  That this is the job description (which I was never told before hired!).  I replied that I would not be doing that.  It was made clear that I HAD to or I should look for another job.  I told her I would look for another job.

Of course they want me to continue working until they find someone else, but WHY?  I've worked a total of 6 days!  Why would I continue to be trained for a position I already know I will not be accepting?  I think they believe I'll just fall into it and never get around to looking for another job and will end up staying (and working the long hours) by default.  No. Going. To. Happen.  The last time I worked there I used to come in at 7:30 like I do now, and stay until 9PM.  No.  Not again!  I started having chest pains, panic attacks, etc., the last time due to the hours and stress.  I already started with that this week.  I was fine from the day I quit last year until the week I returned.

Conclusion:  This job is completely unhealthy for me in many ways and the staff, especially the office manager, are not grounded in reality.

On the up side, I had 2 job interviews today!  One with a chiropractor that went VERY well.  The doctor told me that I should expect her to call me for a second interview with her partner soon.  While driving on the way home from the interview, I received a cell phone call from the partner.  I pulled over and we conducted the second interview over the phone right then!  It went extremely well and I feel 100% confident that they will offer me a position within the next week or two (the time frame they said that they would be making offers).  They have several MA positions open, so I feel confident that I will receive an offer.

The second interview was with an electronics firm.  Had a great interview with the owner and his wife. We got along famously, they loved my experience and resume, and my age was actually in my favor!  They are looking for an "older" woman.  LOL!  It was the first time I was asked in an interview if I planned on retiring soon.  I don't know whether to laugh or cry over that one.  What the heck.  Laughing is healthier.....LOL!  :-)   With this job I feel 90% confident that I will be made an offer.

BOTH jobs offer FULL benefits:  401K, 100% employer paid health insurance, PTO, paid vacations and holidays.

It's time I started valuing myself more.  I am coming to the conclusion that I've had crappy jobs and been treated poorly on the job because I had a "victim" air about me.  I never spoke up for myself.  Well, I do now. The invisible "kick me" sign is off my back, and I'm going after decent jobs now.  Why would I expect employers to treat me with dignity and respect and value me if my own body language and if the things I tolerate show that I don't have any respect for myself or see my own value.

Getting philosophical in my old age.

Work Woes

I feel like I'm one big complaint factory these days!

Last night and this morning I had such a high level of anxiety over going to the new/old job that I ended up calling in this morning.  I was unable to sleep, was hyperventilating, etc.  I just couldn't go in.

I'm glad I didn't!  When I spoke with the office manager to let her know I wasn't feeling well (which I obviously was not!), she started whining and literally crying about her personal life.  I just can NOT work in that environment!  She and the doctor obviously have some kind of understanding because he knows of her behavior and does nothing, even though he's received complaints from both employees and patients.  I just can't deal with being in such a mentally unhealthy environment all day.  I'm too sensitive for it.

Gee.  That makes me sound like some kind of fragile weakling!  I think it's simply that we each have our own unique emotional make up and I'm super sensitive to the feelings of others who are around me.  I'm sure that's what helps me empathize so well with patients, and also what makes it so hard for to remain detached and not worry so about the patient's!

I've come to a decision.  I think I need to remove myself from the Western medical field.  It just isn't "me".  Thanks to a good education the knowledge base is there, but the necessary emotional make up just isn't.

I have an interview on Wednesday for a chiropractic assistant.  I wouldn't mind that at all since it is considered natural and holistic medicine.  The only thing the doctor would have me do that is potentially unsafe is take x-rays, but as long as I'm wearing a dosimeter and the machine is properly serviced and we make sure patients haven't had too much radiation exposure in the current year, I've no problems with it.

Otherwise, I'm now restricting my job search to non-medical positions.  I also have an interview this week for an electronic company that produces and monitors security systems.  I think I'd enjoy that. :)

In the meantime, I spoke with the owner of the little health food hippy store I had worked at, and she will be calling me either tonight or tomorrow to let me know if she is able to work me back into the schedule.  She did replace me, but with the holidays coming, and with me needing no training, she thinks she may be able to use me.

To be honest, if I were good enough at writing and art I would love to work in the hippy store part time and spend the rest of my time working on my artsy/crafty things.  I don't know if we can afford for me to do that though, but at least I need a job that doesn't set me off into panic attacks just thinking about going into the office.

I've decided that it's time for me to stop trying to fit the square peg that I am into a round hole.

And I'm still not a doormat. ;-)

"New" Job Angst

So my new job really isn't so new.  I've gone back to work for a pulmonary critical care doctor that I worked for last year.  I'm not wild about being there because it ended so badly (for me) the last time, but they needed help, wanted me, and we REALLY need the money.

The last time I worked for them it was a super high stress environment, to the point that I started having crying jags nights and weekends, panic attacks, etc.

This time around I was promised that there were many changes in the office that would make it better, and there are some changes that improve things.  For example, there is now additional clerical help that comes in at 3:00 PM.  It allows me to turn all my paperwork over to her to complete after I leave.  The transition time from when she arrives until the time when I leave is supposed to be 1/2 to 1 hour.  It's been more like 1 1/2 hours because she is unable to refill prescriptions or do any clinical work, but it does help.  This time I get out after having put in an 8 1/2 hour day instead of 10-12 hours like last time. Of course I don't get a lunch break (or any sort of break at all), but it's more tolerable when working 8 - 8 1/2 hours straight than 12 hours.  (And no, my state does not have any law requiring any breaks at all no matter how long an employee works.  There are Federal laws, but in this instance, State law supersedes Federal, and my State says a worker over 18 years of age is not required to be given any breaks at all no matter how long the work day.)

On the negative side, after working one week there, I can see that the general state of dysfunction still exists in the office.  The office manager is the main source of the problem. She's utterly unstable, will sit at the front desk and just sob and pull on her hair right in the middle of seeing patients.  I mean she cries for an hour or so!  She was doing this type of thing when I worked there before.

She also has an incredible temper and an apparent need to surround herself with chaos.  If everything is going smoothly, she seems to be unable to stop herself from yelling at employees about fictional wrongdoing that occurred only in her mind.

The doctor is aware of all of this; he's been aware since last year.

The difference is that I'm going into this job with my eyes wide open.  If I get pushed too far I am OUTTA THERE!  I won't let it go as far as it did the last time.  I am going to speak up for myself and not be such a pushover.  And I need to remember that I'm only there for as long as I choose to be.  I move on whenever I'm ready.   To keep my own sanity, I am viewing this as a temporary position until I land something better (even though if it works out I intend to stay).

I make decent money there (but NO benefits at all).  Money good enough that a week at the office is equivalent to 2 1/2 weeks' pay when I worked at the store, so even if she goes off her nut and I need to walk out, I'm WAY ahead financially from where I normally would be.

I'm busy looking for another job.  I've still not heard back from the medical office near my home, but I don't expect to hear for another week.  The decision maker is on vacation until sometime this week and will be making her final decision at that time.  I've sent her a follow up letter and have done all that is acceptable to try to keep myself at the top of the pile of applicants, so now I just wait.  In the meantime, I'm putting in applications for medical assisting jobs, non-medical jobs too such as receptionist, secretarial and administrative assistant positions.

A part of me is hoping for a non-medical position.  Sometimes I think the stress of it is too much for me.  I want to do things so perfectly that I get myself in a lather (internally of course), worrying that I will make a mistake that could harm someone's health.   I think I'd rather be concerned that any errors would potentially cost a company a client or some money as opposed to health/life, etc.

Yes, I know I'm worrying excessively.  I think I may take some Holy Basil tonight in hopes of stemming the anxiety I've been feeling.

I think what I really need to do is to take a deep breath and remember that my husband is behind me in the plan that if the job ever becomes too much, I walk away from it immediately and not try to hang on like I did last time, which was quite detrimental to my emotional health.

This time I refuse to be a doormat.  I will not allow the disturbed office manager to walk all over me.  I will not be swept up in the chaos.  I will make sure I take care of myself in the situation and remember that I'm there for the patients and the money, not the nutzo coworkers.  And I will remember at all times that I am not a doormat. . .

I am not a doormat. . .

I am not a doormat. . .

Kate Crackernuts

As my blog is still in its infancy, I thought it might be a good idea to share the story of Kate Crackernuts.  You see, I am a great lover of fairy stories since my youth, a genre I believe I shall always love.

The older I get the more I love fairy stories.  It puts me in mind of the dedication to Lucy that C.S. Lewis made at the beginning of The Chronicles of Narnia:

"Dedication: To Lucy Barfield
My Dear Lucy,

I wrote this story for you, but when I began it I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales, and by the time it is printed and bound you will be older still. But some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. You can then take it down from some upper shelf, dust it, and tell me what you think of it. I shall probably be too deaf to hear, and too old to understand, a word you say, but I shall still be
your affectionate Godfather,
C.S. Lewis"

I feel a bit like Kate sometimes; not the prettiest girl at the party, but while not a genius, fairly clever.  And I did get to marry my very handsome prince too. :)

Below is the 1890 version of Kate Crackernuts by Joseph Jacobs.  (I must make myself an apron one of these day. ;)

I hope you enjoy...

English Fairy Tales
By Joseph Jacobs

Kate Crackernuts

Once upon a time there was a king and a queen, as in many lands have been.
 The king had a daughter, Anne, and the queen had one named Kate, but Anne
 was far bonnier than the queen’s daughter, though they loved one another
 like real sisters. The queen was jealous of the king’s daughter being bonnier
 than her own, and cast about to spoil her beauty. So she took counsel of the
 henwife, who told her to send the lassie to her next morning fasting.

So next morning early, the queen said to Anne, “Go, my dear, to the
 henwife in the glen, and ask her for some eggs.” So Anne set out, but as
 she passed through the kitchen she saw a crust, and she took and munched
 it as she went along.

When she came to the henwife’s she asked for eggs, as she had been told
 to do; the henwife said to her, “Lift the lid off that pot there and see.”
The lassie did so, but nothing happened. “Go home to your minnie and tell
 her to keep her larder door better locked,” said the henwife. So she went
 home to the queen and told her what the henwife had said. The queen knew
 from this that the lassie had had something to eat, so watched the next
 morning and sent her away fasting; but the princess saw some country-folk
 picking peas by the roadside, and being very kind she spoke to them and
 took a handful of the peas, which she ate by the way.

When she came to the henwife’s, she said, “Lift the lid off the pot and
you’ll see.” So Anne lifted the lid but nothing happened. Then the henwife
 was rare angry and said to Anne, “Tell your minnie the pot won’t boil if the
 fire’s away.” So Anne went home and told the queen.

The third day the queen goes along with the girl herself to the henwife. Now
, this time, when Anne lifted the lid off the pot, off falls her own pretty head,
 and on jumps a sheep’s head.

So the queen was now quite satisfied, and went back home.

Her own daughter, Kate, however, took a fine linen cloth and wrapped it
 round her sister’s head and took her by the hand and they both went out
 to seek their fortune. They went on, and they went on, and they went on,
 till they came to a castle. Kate knocked at the door and asked for a night’s
 lodging for herself and a sick sister. They went in and found it was a king’s
castle, who had two sons, and one of them was sickening away to death
 and no one could find out what ailed him. And the curious thing was that
 whoever watched him at night was never seen any more. So the king had
 offered a peck of silver to anyone who would stop up with him. Now Katie
 was a very brave girl, so she offered to sit up with him.

Till midnight all goes well. As twelve o clock rings, however, the sick
 prince rises, dresses himself, and slips downstairs. Kate followed, but
 he didn’t seem to notice her. The prince went to the stable, saddled his
 horse, called his hound, jumped into the saddle, and Kate leapt lightly
 up behind him. Away rode the prince and Kate through the greenwood,
 Kate, as they pass, plucking nuts from the trees and filling her apron with
 them. They rode on and on till they came to a green hill. The prince here
 drew bridle and spoke, “Open, open, green hill, and let the young prince
 in with his horse and his hound,” and Kate added, “and his lady him behind.”

Immediately the green hill opened and they passed in.
The prince entered a magnificent hall, brightly lighted up,
and many beautiful fairies surrounded
 the prince and led him off to the dance. Meanwhile, Kate, without being
 noticed, hid herself behind the door. There she sees the prince dancing,
 and dancing, and dancing, till he could dance no longer and fell upon a
 couch. Then the fairies would fan him till he could rise again and go on
 dancing.

At last the cock crew, and the prince made all haste to get on horseback;
 Kate jumped up behind, and home they rode. When the morning sun rose
 they came in and found Kate sitting down by the fire and cracking her nuts.
 Kate said the prince had a good night; but she would not sit up another
 night unless she was to get a peck of gold.

 The second night passed as the first had done. The prince got up at
 midnight and rode away to the green hill and the fairy ball, and Kate
 went with him, gathering nuts as they rode through the forest.
This time she did not   watch the prince, for she knew
 he would dance and dance, and dance. But she sees a fairy baby playing
with a wand, and overhears one of the fairies say: “Three strokes of that
 wand would make Kate’s sick sister as bonnie as ever she was.”

So Kate rolled nuts to the fairy baby, and rolled nuts till the baby
 toddled after the nuts and let fall the wand, and Kate took it up and
put it in her apron.

And at cockcrow they rode home as before, and the moment Kate got home to
 her room she rushed and touched Anne three times with the wand, and the
 nasty sheep’s head fell off and she was her own pretty self again.

The third night Kate consented to watch, only if she should marry the sick prince.
All went on as on the first two nights. This time the fairy baby was playing
 with a birdie; Kate heard one of the fairies say: “Three bites of that birdie
 would make the sick prince as well as ever he was.” Kate rolled all the nuts
 she had to the fairy baby till the birdie was dropped, and Kate put it in her apron.

At cockcrow they set off again, but instead of cracking her nuts as she used
 to do, this time Kate plucked the feathers off and cooked the birdie. Soon there
 arose a very savoury smell. “Oh!” said the sick prince, “I wish I had
 a bite of that birdie,” so Kate gave him a bite of the birdie, and he rose up on his elbow.

By-and-by he cried out again: “Oh, if I had another bite of that birdie!”
so Kate gave him another bite, and he sat up on his bed.

Then he said again: “Oh! if I only had a third bite of that birdie!” So Kate
gave him a third bite, and he rose quite well, dressed himself, and sat
down by the fire, and when the folk came in next morning they found
Kate and the young prince cracking nuts together.

Meanwhile his brother had seen Annie and had fallen in love with her,
as everybody did who saw her sweet pretty face. So the sick son married
the well sister, and the well son married the sick sister, and they
all lived happy and died happy, and never drank out of a dry cappy.

Source:  http://www.authorama.com/english-fairy-tales-40.html